
Have you ever set a goal with the best intentions, only to find yourself veering off course? Or recognised a habit that no longer serves you but struggled to let it go? This is one of the most perplexing and universal aspects of human behaviour: why we sometimes choose what is not good for us and avoid what we know will make us better.
As a Trinbagonian woman observing the vibrant, complex rhythms of life, I see these struggles play out not only within myself but in our communities. Whether it’s reaching for another piece of black cake despite health goals or putting off starting that project we’ve dreamed of for years, this tug-of-war is deeply human.
But beneath the surface of these actions lies a world of insights about fear, comfort and the ways we navigate the unknown.
The Comfort of Familiarity
One of the main reasons we cling to behaviours that harm us or resist positive change is the allure of familiarity. The human brain is wired to seek patterns and routines because they feel safe, even if they’re not beneficial.
Think about the habits you know aren’t good for you: scrolling mindlessly on your phone late at night, skipping meals, or staying in relationships that drain you. These behaviours offer a sense of certainty, a kind of comfort blanket, even when they hinder your growth.
Change, on the other hand, requires stepping into the unknown, which can feel risky and threatening. It’s easier to stick with the familiar because it doesn’t challenge the status quo, even if the status quo leaves you unfulfilled.
The Fear of Failure
Another factor that keeps us from doing what’s good for us is the fear of failing. Often, we avoid taking action not because we lack desire but because we’re scared of what might happen if we don’t succeed. Starting that fitness programme, applying for that promotion, or ending that toxic friendship are all actions that demand courage. The fear of “what if it doesn’t work out?” can paralyse us into inaction.
But here’s the truth: doing nothing is also a choice, and it comes with its own consequences. As we say in Trinidad and Tobago, “Who doh try, doh win.”
The Fear of Success
Surprisingly, it’s not just failure that holds us back; success can be equally intimidating.
The fear of success often stems from the belief that achieving our goals will bring expectations we’re unsure we can maintain or changes we feel unprepared to handle.
In Trinidad and Tobago, we might joke about “playing small” to avoid standing out, but the reality is that the fear of being seen, celebrated, or even envied can stop us from stepping into our full potential.
Success requires us to adapt, to manage new responsibilities, and to navigate unfamiliar territory, which can feel just as overwhelming as failure. Yet, it’s crucial to remember that growth is part of the process, and with every new level comes the opportunity to build a stronger, more capable version of yourself.
The Role of Instant Gratification
In a world of quick fixes, choosing long-term benefits often feels less appealing than indulging in immediate rewards. Why go for a walk when you can binge-watch your favourite series? Why prep meals when fast food is just a call away?
This battle between instant gratification and delayed reward is at the heart of many self-sabotaging behaviours. Yet, the key lies in recognising that the quick pleasure often leaves a hollow feeling, while the harder choice usually brings sustained fulfilment.
The Weight of Self-Judgement
Sometimes, we sabotage ourselves because we don’t feel worthy of the good things we want.
Deep down, many of us carry the weight of self-criticism, convincing ourselves that we’re not capable, deserving, or strong enough to make better choices.
This negative self-talk can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, keeping us trapped in cycles of guilt and inertia. Cultivating self-compassion is crucial here. As a Trinbagonian, I often reflect on the way our culture celebrates resilience and joy, even in hard times. We can draw from that same well of self-acceptance and grace to push past our inner doubts.
Breaking the Cycle
Acknowledge the Patterns: The first step to change is awareness. Reflect on your habits and identify which ones are holding you back. Write them down and examine how they serve or hinder you.
Start Small: Big changes feel overwhelming, but small, consistent steps create momentum. Replace one unhelpful habit with a beneficial one and build from there.
Face Your Fears: Accept that failure is part of the process. It’s not a reflection of your worth, but proof that you’re trying. Learn from setbacks and keep moving forward.
Reframe the Narrative: Shift your mindset from “I have to” to “I get to.” For example, “I get to nourish my body with healthy food” instead of “I have to eat vegetables.”
Lean on Your Community: In Trinidad and Tobago, community is everything. Surround yourself with people who support your growth and hold you accountable.
A New Chapter Awaits
We all face moments of contradiction, when we know better but don’t do better. But these moments don’t define us; they are simply stepping stones on the path to a fuller, richer life.
Embracing the tension between who we are and who we want to be is an act of courage. It’s about giving ourselves grace, starting anew and remembering that every small victory counts. As we enter this new chapter, let’s choose to be gentle with ourselves while also holding ourselves accountable for the lives we deserve. The journey may not be perfect, but it will always be worth it.
So, what will you choose today?
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