Everybody’s Not a Narcissist: Understanding the Word Before You Weaponise It
- Nadia Renata
- Jul 10
- 3 min read
Let’s Talk About That Word We Keep Hearing: Narcissist
It’s everywhere lately - on timelines, in podcast clips and under breakup posts. The word narcissist is getting thrown around more than ever, but do we really understand what it means?
You break up with someone? Narcissist.
They didn’t validate your feelings in a fight? Narcissist.
Your ex was selfish or emotionally unavailable? Narcissist.
Social media is filled with videos of individuals and influencers tossing the term around like salt. And while narcissistic abuse is real and dangerous we’ve reached a point where it’s become a catch-all label for anyone who hurt us or made us feel small.
But not everyone who frustrates you is a narcissist.
Sometimes… they’re just human. Flawed. Immature. Avoidant. Or in pain themselves.
And sometimes? We need to ask the uncomfortable question: How do I know I’m not the one showing narcissistic traits?
What Narcissism Actually Is
True narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder (NPD), not just a personality trait. It involves a consistent pattern of:
A deep need for admiration and validation
Lack of empathy
Manipulative or exploitative behaviour
A distorted sense of superiority
Inability to accept responsibility or criticism
This is very different from someone who made a mistake, shut down during conflict, or wasn’t capable of meeting your emotional needs.
People with narcissistic traits are often in pain. Their self-worth is fragile. Their grandiosity is a shield. Diagnosing someone based on a few social media posts or one bad relationship isn’t helpful or fair.
The Danger of Overusing the Label
In recent years, the term “narcissist” has moved from clinical psychology into everyday conversations, especially online. What was once used to describe a specific and serious personality disorder is now often thrown around casually, sometimes based on a single disagreement or a bruised ego.
But when we begin to label everyone who hurts, frustrates, or disappoints us as a narcissist, we risk more than just a misdiagnosis. We dilute the meaning of the word, silence genuine experiences of narcissistic abuse, and block our own opportunities for growth and healing.
Understanding the true weight of this label and the consequences of using it carelessly, matters more than we often realise.
A) It Stops Growth
If we label everyone who disagrees with us or lets us down as a narcissist, we avoid the inner work of understanding conflict, accountability and our own triggers.
B) It Can Be Emotionally Violent
Throwing this label at someone after a breakup or disagreement can do real damage, especially when that person is not abusive but simply flawed.
C) It Blocks Self-Reflection
If every issue is because they were a narcissist, we never ask:
What did I miss early on?
Where were my boundaries?
How did I respond when I felt unsafe or unseen?
These are hard questions but they grow us.
D) Could You Be Showing Narcissistic Traits?
Let’s go deeper. Narcissism isn’t always about grandiosity or control. Sometimes it shows up as:
Always needing to be right
Refusing to apologise
Making every issue about you
Using emotional language to silence the other person
Blaming others for how you react
Ouch, right? We all have shadows. Growth means owning them, not projecting them.
So What Can You Say Instead?
If someone has harmed or disappointed you, you can name it without reaching for a clinical term.
“They lacked empathy when I needed it.”
“They gaslit me and refused accountability.”
“They didn’t care about how their actions affected me.”
These statements are honest. Specific. Centred in your experience.
Let’s Be Precise With Our Language
Words carry power. And when we use psychological labels casually, we water them down. We confuse our healing. We stigmatise people who may need real help.
Call out toxic patterns. Set boundaries. Walk away from disrespect. But also, pause before you diagnose.
Because growth isn’t always about spotting the narcissists. Sometimes, it’s about healing the part of you that keeps attracting the chaos, tolerating the harm, or refusing to sit with your own reflection.
Affirmation: I value clarity over blame. I honour my healing journey with truth, nuance and accountability.
Reflection Prompt: Where have I used labels to avoid feeling something deeper - grief, disappointment, or my own missteps?
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Disclaimer: This article is for informational and reflective purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat or replace professional mental health care. If you are navigating trauma, emotional distress or complex relational dynamics, please reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional.
Healing is not something you have to do alone. Seeking support is not a weakness. It is a wise and courageous act of self-care.
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