Words We Need to Stop Misusing in the Name of Healing

Let’s Get Clear Before We Get Loud

We’re in a powerful time. People are learning more about mental health, therapy, trauma and emotional wellbeing. And that’s a good thing.

But as therapy language goes mainstream, some of the words meant to help us heal are being misused, overused and turned into buzzwords. The result? Miscommunication, mislabelling and missed opportunities for real growth.

This isn’t about silencing anyone. It’s about choosing words with care, especially when those words carry clinical weight or impact relationships. Because when we throw terms around too casually, we not only risk hurting others, we might also be skipping over our own reflection and healing.

Let’s take a look at some of the most commonly misused “healing” words and what they really mean.

1. Gaslighting

What it really means: A long-term pattern of manipulation where someone causes you to doubt your reality, often to control or confuse you. Classic gaslighting includes denying things that happened, making you feel “crazy,” and twisting facts to maintain power.

How it’s often misused: Any time someone disagrees, forgets something or defends their perspective.

🔸 “He said he didn’t remember the conversation - he’s gaslighting me.”

❌ Maybe he actually forgot.

Using this term too loosely can take away from those experiencing true psychological manipulation.

2. Triggered

What it really means: A sudden emotional reaction, often linked to past trauma, where your nervous system feels unsafe. Can cause anxiety, dissociation, panic or flashbacks.

How it’s often misused: To describe feeling annoyed or uncomfortable.

🔸 “This movie triggered me - I didn’t like the ending.”

❌ That’s frustration, not a trauma response.

Let’s honour the seriousness of triggers - especially for those managing PTSD or deep trauma.

3. Toxic

What it really means: Ongoing patterns of emotionally, mentally or physically harmful behaviour that leave you drained, unsafe or constantly disrespected.

How it’s often misused: When someone disappoints us, sets a boundary or simply acts imperfectly.

🔸 “She didn’t reply to my message - toxic vibes.”

❌ That might just be timing or life happening.

Not every rough moment or flawed person is toxic. Let's allow space for nuance and growth.

4. Boundaries

What it really means: Clear, respectful limits you set to protect your wellbeing, time, values or emotional space. Boundaries are about you, not controlling others.

How it’s often misused: To avoid accountability or to punish someone.

🔸 “I blocked you. That’s my boundary.”

❌ Boundaries aren’t revenge; they’re about maintaining your peace, not controlling someone else's behaviour.

True boundaries are firm and compassionate.

5. Attachment Style

What it really means: A psychological framework based on your early relationship experiences, which influences how you relate to others in adulthood. Examples: secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganised.

How it’s often misused: As an excuse not to grow or stay emotionally unavailable.

🔸 “I’m anxious avoidant so I can’t do relationships.”

❌ Understanding your style is the first step, not the finish line. We can all rewire.

6. Red Flag

What it really means: A warning sign of potentially harmful or unhealthy behaviour, often indicating a pattern that may worsen.

How it’s often misused: Labelling normal human quirks or discomforts as dealbreakers.

🔸 “He talks to his mum every day - red flag.”

❌ That might just be... a close relationship.

Let’s reserve red flags for patterns of control, cruelty, dishonesty or manipulation and not just personal preference.

7. Depression

What it really means: A clinical condition involving persistent sadness, low energy, changes in sleep or appetite, loss of interest and feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness, often lasting for weeks or months and affecting daily functioning. It’s not just about feeling “down.”

How it’s often misused: As a throwaway word to describe a bad day, low mood or disappointment.

🔸 “Ugh, this rain has me so depressed.”

❌ That’s feeling low or uninspired - not clinical depression.

Misusing the word can unintentionally dismiss the real, debilitating experiences of people living with depression and can also stop us from taking our own symptoms seriously if and when they do show up.

Let’s say instead:

• “I’m feeling really low today.”

• “This has me in a slump; I might need some time to reset.”

8. Self-Care

What it really means: Self-care is the deliberate act of tending to your mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual needs in ways that replenish you. It includes rest, boundaries, nourishment, play, therapy, movement, and saying no when necessary.

True self-care isn’t always comfortable; it’s about doing what’s needed, not just what feels good in the moment.

How it’s often misused: As a catch-all excuse for indulgence or avoidance.

🔸 “I skipped work and binged a whole season of Netflix because… self-care.”

❌ That might be escapism, not actual care.

Misusing the term dilutes the power of intentional, restorative practices and reduces self-care to bubble baths and retail therapy—ignoring the deeper, sometimes uncomfortable work it often requires.

9. Healing

What it really means: Healing is a non-linear, deeply personal journey of recovering from trauma, emotional pain, or loss. It often involves grief, uncomfortable truths, accountability, forgiveness (sometimes) and radical self-compassion. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or bypassing; it means integrating and learning to live fully, even with scars.

How it’s often misused: As a trendy slogan or justification for cutting people off without reflection.

🔸 “I’m healing, so I blocked everyone who disagrees with me.”

❌ That might be avoidance or defensiveness, not healing.

When we misuse the term, we risk turning healing into a performance rather than a process, losing the depth, grace and courage it truly requires.

Language matters and so does accuracy when talking about mental health.

Let’s Honour the Language of Healing

Words like gaslighting, trauma, toxic and boundaries exist to help us understand pain, protect ourselves, and grow in awareness. But when we use them without reflection or precision, we risk turning healing into performance.

You don’t need a psychology degree to talk about your feelings. But you do need honesty. Discernment. A willingness to ask: “Am I using this word to express truth, or to avoid it?”

Because real healing? It’s not about the right labels. It’s about the right inner work.

Affirmation: I choose language that supports growth, honours truth and builds understanding, not division.

Reflection Prompt: Have I ever used a healing term to shut down a conversation, instead of open one up?

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Disclaimer: This article is for informational and reflective purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat or replace professional mental health care. If you are navigating trauma, emotional distress or complex relational dynamics, please reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional.

Healing is not something you have to do alone. Seeking support is not a weakness. It is a wise and courageous act of self-care.

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